Monday, October 4, 2010

I will be me for you.

I know this is what you want.

So I will be.

I'll be myself, but better. The new and improved me- the non angry me, the non lazy me, the non cynical me, the non negative me, the non berating me, the non sad me.
I have to stop asking why you died. I have to stop yelling at you, and calling you names. It's not fair to you. I am sorry for being so sad. I am sorry for holding on so tightly, and bitterly. I want to return to the person I was when we met, even more, I want to inherit your best qualities. All I need is your love. I have it. I keep reading that communication with you will happen if I just ease up a bit, and take it easy on the both of us. I'm going to start doing just that. I will be me for you. Even better, I will be us for you. I'll take your hat. I'll continue. I'll be good. I'll be kind. I'll be steadfast. I'll be faithful. I'll be proactive. I'll be diligent. I'll be open. I'll be funny. I'll be humble. I'll be half serious. I'll be calm. I'll be gentle. I'll be loving. I'll be really fucking good on stage, (with my grateful attitude, and humility in tact, of course). I will be happy. I will love you. I want to become a person that radiates light, and goodness, just like you did. I'm going to catch up to you, even if it takes a lifetime. I promise.

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