Sunday, February 23, 2014

Don't hit my piano with your wine bottle.

I am getting phone calls from Detroit. My piano was desperately requested by the organizer of an event happening where I live. They solemnly swore that the people performing would not go Jerry Lee Lewis on it, but now the audience is drunk and people are banging the keys with empty wine bottles. At the end of the day, big dumb animals with heightened fashion senses and yearning genitalia is all we are.
I wish mental illness wasn't associated with weakness. I totally love it as a character trait- which probably means that I hardly suffer from anything. I bet people with real illnesses don't find it sexy at all.
Adi, I am going NUTS. I am so bored with everything. I didn't even change into real clothes today. I ate one meal. My teeth I brushed not. I heard recently that people who sit a lot have higher mortality rates than those who move about. My tailbone hurts from the weight of my lethargic being.
Tonight, I am going to brush my face and then apply about twenty different kinds of cream to it. Then maybe, I'm going to do day 5 of my 30 day abs challenge. I might rummage through my mom's kitchen in search of some alcohol too.
I wished I lived with a crystal genie, and that a sorority of good witches resided across the street.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Messages received. Thank you.

Say no to broadcasting. Got it.

Today is beautiful. Yes.

You are a decent human being. Check.

You're sensitive. No kidding!

Acknowledge patterns. Mhmm.

It's okay to feel bad. Now move on. Okkkkkaaaaaayyyyyy.

Breathe. ...........

Hey baby.

I would like to apologize to everyone for my father.
But, not really. 

I am sorry that angry, polytheist immigrant was not held back by a 6th grade education.
He was genius.  

Yes, his arsenal of resentment proved quite lucrative.
It's true. 

I've been paying for his actions ever since.
Quite true. 

Just ask my baby.
You can't. 

He's in Southern Cali.




Hey baby, am I an asshole?

Let's talk about the world for a minute.

When it ends, let us blame ourselves.

Let's celebrate in our collective shit show.
Like a party? 

Let us all make dedications in each other's names.
Where are you going with this?

For real though...
Oh boy.

Is my heart made of shit and money?
Of course not.

Hey Baby,

enter my dreams tonight.
Go to bed. 

Hey baby,

I'm floating around

waiting for flowers.

Hey baby,

I haven't been properly kissed in four years.
I beg to differ. 

Hey baby,

this is my sacred text.
I know. Let's keep it that away. 

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Lady and Jeffrit Present...

4:50 AM Adrian: hello?
  I'm sending you something
 me: Hi
  I'm still up...
 Adrian: Me too
  fancy that
  just getting settled in here
4:51 AM me: me too...
 Adrian: Yay
 me: yay
 Adrian: it's nice to be home and unwind from the day
  it's important
 me: yeah.
  i agree
4:52 AM I'm tired but my knee is healing nicely
 Adrian: my nose is leaky
  I think the airplane people did something to it
 me: noses and knees
  to your nose?
 Adrian: because it wasn't leaking before
  yay knee!
  it's leaky
  I'm going to be up all night
4:53 AM me: ah....haha...maybe it's the faucet in the kitchen...not your nose!
 Adrian: I just pressed Send
  hadn't thought of that
 me: aren't you glad i'm around
4:54 AM Adrian: yes
 me: i'm smiling....
 Adrian: Oh
  That sounds nice
4:55 AM I like it when that happens
  you know... it's contagious
 me: "i'm home....I'm hOme....
 Adrian: I'm home when I'm with you my love
  I'm in this big old bed here
  and I keep trying to take up the whole thing, but I don't think I can...
  I need your help
4:56 AM me: this is funny!
 Adrian: yeah?
 me: and beautiful
 Adrian: good
  good too
 me: yah baby
 Adrian: you are beautiful
 me: great
  good too...i love the radio in the background
 Adrian: you are so very talented and intelligent, and you smell good too
4:57 AM oh, it's the TV
 me: we're working that into the play...
 Adrian: kqed
 me: you know, the non-clown play we're working on...
 Adrian: the TV
  Oh, right
  the recording into the show!
 me: :0
 Adrian: yeah... it could be a musician that Jeffrit likes
4:58 AM maybe
  I don't know
  hah... he can put it on when he's all alone
  and cry while he sings along
  in his voice
4:59 AM me: Like lady and jeffrit watch tv! But all the show theys watch, acts we perform, acting oddities, lounge singer....tele novella, characters who aren't clowns but characters...
5:00 AM Adrian: yeah
  it's a portal
 me: ah...did that make any sense?
 Adrian: one of the windows/mirrors to their world
  of course it did
  we've been collaborating for quite some time now
 me: you know how interesting that would be to watch?
5:01 AM Adrian: awe man... I really need to do Macho Tools with Natty by the end of the summer, to we have it... you must direct it, for video/film
 me: breaking the tension from one world to the next?
 Adrian: very!
 me: cool
 Adrian: you know that these chats are saved right?
 me: let's working on a video piece soon
 Adrian: we can print this all out as notes/source material
5:02 AM me: i was just wondering about that!
 Adrian: let's
  I'm looking into getting that camera fixed, getting a quote here in SF
  I should take yours in too... just to see if they can look at it, or see what we need to have it operational.
5:03 AM me: so for june we have the coffee bit we talked about....and then we need a video bit and then we have a good 45 minute show for september. "Introducing: Lady and Jeffrit..."
 Adrian: yeah... just type in chats into the search column and hit enter, and this one will come up as the last one.. but I don't know how long they stay in there
5:04 AM me: I got lady a feather duster...
 Adrian: awesome
 me: we'll just copy and paste it into an email
  good work team us
 Adrian: I need to make sure that vacuum works...
  I'm nervous about trying it inside
5:05 AM Ah
 me: yeah...then don't
 Adrian: good idea baby!
 me: get an extension cord and try it on the balcony
 Adrian: oh
  just forward it to yourself
  from when you look at it
  never mind
  it does save them
5:06 AM I just found a bunch of pretty old ones
  ok cuddles
  I have to get up in six hours
  I'll talk to you soon
5:07 AM me: we;re you able to copy and paste i;m having difficulties
 Adrian: good rehearsal just now
  Lady and Jeffrit are on their way
  Oh, I had another idea tooo
 me: me too
 Adrian: no
  don't do that
 me: what?
 Adrian: go to chats right under starred
  click there
  and there it is
  you already have it
 me: cool.
 Adrian: yup
 me: i never realized that
 Adrian: there you go
  I love gmail
 me: okay cuddles
5:08 AM Adrian: I was saying "Good Rehearsal" just now
  for real now
  you hang up
 me: who are you talking to?
 Adrian: let's hang up on three
  one two
  why didn't you hang up
  Oh... just playing out the scene
5:09 AM young lovers
 me: yes i know.
 Adrian: ah
  got caught up
  Good night Eleni.
 me: don't be...i think it's cute.
  Just don't start again...
 Adrian: oh good
 me: ;)
 Adrian: oh
 me: hahah
5:10 AM Adrian: gooood Niiiight!
  typing is funfull
 me: Mwa!
 Adrian: OOoo, Mwa!
  I don't speak alien
  or read it
 me: it was joke...
 Adrian: I've already told you this
  ah ha?
 me: read from the funful line down
 Adrian: oh
5:11 AM me: get it?
  goodnight for real...
 Adrian: oh
  I"m laughing out loud
  I get it
5:12 AM me: Yea!
 Adrian: you are so funny
 me: i stop it...
  that didn't make any sense.
  are you calling me?
 Adrian: yes
5:13 AM me: My phone's across the room
 Adrian: you didn't answer
  too far to get to
 me: i'm in bed! talking to my friend on the computer
 Adrian: I was just laughing so hard I wanted you to hear it
 me: i can't carry two conversations at once
 Adrian: well, good!
  goood night!
  to your friend too!
5:14 AM oh
  stop it
  my stomach is hurting
 me: heehee
 Adrian: I love you so much
  you are a joy
  a blessing in my life
  thank you
 me: i'll get up and call to say goodnight in about ten minutes...but for now i'm signing off.
 Adrian: I am so lucky
  me too
 me: you too babe

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

You on my mind everyday since June 2010.

I talk about you. I talk about your perfect splits. How nice your hair was. Your dancer's body. I talk about how beautiful our kids would've been. I talk about you to people who never knew you and I sound like a high school quarterback reliving his salad days.

I should have thrown a party for my thirtieth birthday. We should have celebrated big. I act as if I don't care about making spectacles out of milestones, but I do. I really do. Not sure how it happened, but I've made myself believe I'm not worthy of any hoopla. Hoopla is for happy people. I have never been happy.

The children. They would've been sweet.

I've done everything to avoid my dreams. I move to the wrong cities. I focus on the wrong kinds of employment. I do not try to become the one thing I've always dreamed of being and that is a glittering star.

I thought anthropology would've been nice to study. I should have focused on languages. Love made me stupid.

Hey you.

I've got dilemmas.

I want to throw all these clocks out the window.