Thursday, November 29, 2012

Just one of them days all the time.

I'm so sad. I miss you. What happened? I feel so alone. We used to be happy. I used to feel young. Life seemed pretty good. Why did my dad have to get sick? Why did we move to New York?
Where do I go from here?

Help me. I need you.

Okay. I need to stop writing these despondent posts. Let's face it. You are dead. You are never coming back. I am still alive. Life is hard. A lot of people a far more miserable than me. Get over it.

This is definitely an angry post.

Let's begin anew.

Hello, it's me Miss Eleni Theodora Zaharopoulos.

Adi, you know that my name is misspelled quite often. It upsets me. Sometimes it makes me mad. I should be empathetic, but I am not. Instead, it makes me an incredibly vigilant speller. It also makes me realize I'm uptight. No doubt it's petty on my part. Why should I give a fuck? It's because I'm a proud and insecure person.

Sometimes I want to fit in and sometimes I don't.

I don't like the role I play in other people's narratives.

I don't trust my own narrative.

I often think about what I would change my name to. Sometimes I really wish I had something so good that I just went for it! Something that would make me create a new face book profile. My inability to form a strong enough opinion on name changing gets in the way though. Do I really need a pseudonym? Am I pseudonym material? As do my insecurities.

I almost always form crushes on people who have really good fake names

Familial guilt is another factor. Sometimes I feel like I'd be denying my roots if I were to start going by another name. But then again, why hold onto shit like that? Why don't I start calling myself Len-Len the Panda Lady?

Sometimes I think about giving myself a new name for purely professional reasons because the thought of www.elenizaharopoulos.com makes me cringe.




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