Wednesday, August 11, 2010

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!












I
am thinking that I have a lot of anger and unanswered questions. Questions like, "Why are you dead? Am I a bad person? Why us? "


Yes, I know that tsunamis take out whole villages, and that woman get their noses cut off in other countries. I know of mothers who lose their only teen sons to drug abuse, and hear of people shooting store clerks for a fistful of dollars. I know the world is chaotic.
I understand that sad, mind-boggling things happen to people.

But, why are YOU dead?


Did I complain too much? Is it because you missed my cooking? Is it because, because, because?
Days keep passing by and I try to reason with myself that it's not my fault. It's my fault, isn't it? Dang it! How am I to muster the strength to live another day without you by my side?
Your brother and I sit glued to our laptops. I have no clue what he's really looking at or doing, but I don't bother to ask. Neither does he. So, ho hum, here we are. Stoic faced, droopy eyed, heart broken saps over you. I'm sorry. Your brother is not a sap.
Is this fate?
My aunt from Greece believes that people are born with their lives already written into their DNA. Fuck. That doesn't help much. A lot of us believe God took you so that you may live amongst the greatest in the City of Angels- not to be confused with the city of Los Angeles, but another city that has the same name. It's a hell of a lot better.
So, that's it. It's because you're a lot nicer than us, and more useful. That's why you're not here. You just happened to possess such a wonderful, loving soul that God felt you no longer had to worry about earthquakes, suicide bombers, turbulence, cancer, spontaneous combustion, hemorrhoids, drowning, pink eye, bad acid trips, hangovers, venereal diseases, losing a leg, losing an eye, losing your hair, uncomfortable underwear, jock itch, and crabby girlfriends. That's some honor.
Lucky you.